I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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