I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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