Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
