Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
