I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Semen is not good for contacts.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
