I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
