apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
