I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
