She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
