Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
