Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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