she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
