she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
