I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
