dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
