I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
