are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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