if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
