I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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