i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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