There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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