My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
