New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
