you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
