I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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