we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
