How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
