don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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