so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
