All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
