You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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