his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
