you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
