I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
