Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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