Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
