oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
