She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C