1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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