jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?