All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?