so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
