I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
