My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
