Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
