me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
