ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize