nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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