Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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