the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it hurts more in the daytime
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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