Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
