i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
