I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
