Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
