she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
