I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
