If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
