I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
