nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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