hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
