I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
