I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize