Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
