Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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