Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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