I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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