you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
