I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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