honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
