I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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