Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
