Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
