Please, let me fuck your mom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
