so that wasnt chicken after all
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
