Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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