Apparently you make a good broom.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
