Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
