Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
