does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
