He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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