i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
