'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
