im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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